Saturday was a big football game for my brothers. They are die-hard 49-ers fans so we all got together for a lil cookout. Mom was doing GREAT!!!!
As usual, we had a huge spread. My lil mama ate so good! Ronnie said she ate ribs all night long!
The kids always have fun together....A few fights here and there, but they get over it quick. (quick update: Nori is fully potty trained with only ONE accident in a week. She hasn't worn a diaper since last Sunday in church!!!)
Refueling their tanks....
We went to church Sunday. Several people came up to me and told me how great mom looked. I agreed. I caught her telling a few people that she felt SO good, she would say she was well if she didn't know any better. How I wish that were the case. She cried through a great deal of the beautiful and moving sermon. I held her close and kissed her head. I was moved as well. Afterwards, SHE recommended that we grab breakfast at Shoney's. Ronnie met us there. She ate surprisingly well and we had a blast!
After breakfast, we headed to Talorsville for my little cousin's birthday party. First we stopped by mama's baby sisters house (Sharon). We couldn't stay very long at the party because my girls had missed their naps. I couldn't get over how great mom was doing. I was on cloud 9.
Monday morning, I got mom to ride with me to Hattiesburg to run a couple errands. It was her idea to eat at Logan's Steak house. She ate pretty good. I didn't get any pictures. She didn't seem horrible but she definitely wasn't as chipper as the previous days.
Monday night Michael helped out with part 1 of a small bathroom re-do. Mom bought some discount, discontinued ceramic tile a LONG time ago and never found the time/money to have it installed. Some sweet folks helped her out with that starting on this particular night.
Tuesday was my doctor's appointment. Mom offered to keep the girls. Unfortunately, I was not dilated any more. It is just a waiting game now. I think she did great with the kids, but she was REALLY tired on this day. It was rainy and kind of gloomy. I hung out the rest of the day, though mom slept alot of the time I was there.
On Wednesday, She babysat the boys for a couple hours for Amber. I spoke to her on the phone and she sounded okay. Not as vibrant or energetic sounding, but okay. We gave her some alone/quality time with the boys before we headed over there. I picked her up some lunch from Shipleys. She loves a dressed cheeseburger with extra onions. Brother Drew, the SCRMC Chaplain came to visit mom while we were there. He is an absolute sweet heart. She admitted that the pain in her stomach and ribs was back and pretty intense.
We stayed with her the entire afternoon. She slept alot. A whole lot.
Michael and the guys finished up her bathroom around midnight on Wednesday. There is much more that COULD be done....But my mama is proud, proud, proud of her lil bathroom re-do. I cried the whole way home on this night. Mom was really pitiful. I could tell she was in ALOT of pain and was just plain exhausted.
On Thursday, Mom wasn't doing good at all. We talked her into going to Ryan's for lunch. She barely ate a thing. I accidentally hit a bump in my car and mom gripped her stomach and yelled out in pain. It was on this day that I realized how serious this "bruise on the inside" REALLY is....The girls wrestled and played at her house before nap time....
I dozed off putting the girls down for nap. When I woke up, it was to the sound of mom's new Hospice nurse knocking on the door. I went and woke mom up. Of course, through all of the commotion, the girls woke up too. They watched and listened carefully as Malorie introduced herself and described her duties as mom's new nurse. She looked at all mom's medicine (see the huge pile on the coffee table?).
After a thorough examination and conversation with mom, Malorie concluded that mom wasn't taking enough medicine to deal with the significant amount of pain she was having. She wants mom to more than double the amount she has been taking She explained that the LAST thing she wants is to sedate mom to the point that she can't enjoy life. BUT, mom HAS to stay on top of her pain. She shouldn't be hurting this bad with the medicines that are available to her. Malorie gave her recommendations and will call on Monday to see if we have found the middle ground between mom feeling "comfortable" and not "drugged". She was VERY organized and compassionate. She seemed very knowledgeable and I think she really put mom at ease. Although, mom is not sure about the medicine increase (stubborn).
This day was particularly upsetting for me. I feel things progressing and moving alot faster than I am ready for. I am scared and found it difficult to not feel a knot of fear in my stomach.
Thursday night, mom doubled up on her medicine. She agreed to do so because it was bed time and would not effect her time with her family. She reported on Friday morning that though she had slept well, she felt very intoxicated and this is not a feeling she enjoyed. She found it difficult to make her way to the restroom. She declared that she WOULD NOT be taking that large of a dose during the day.
Friday, we spent the entire day with my mom. She was not really any better. Really tired. Really quiet. She has been holding my hand alot. Telling me she loves me even more than usual. Telling me how proud she is of me. While these things are welcomed and irreplaceable---I worry about where they are coming from in such an abundance. She has been eerily calm in talking about "things" lately, though I still feel her fear. It is hard to explain what I am thinking..... I feel, not like she is hiding something, but like she knows something and isn't telling me. Perhaps I don't want to hear it. Perhaps I am wrong and there is nothing to hear.
We have been spending a great deal of time working on getting the house ready for Mili. The kids are particularly intrigued by all of her "cool stuff".
I am trying to focus on the baby, the girls, spending time with mom and just all the positive things in my life. But I have an overwhelming anxiety about how things are changing so fast with mama. I am really scared.
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