My Story

I tell ya what, if you were not sitting in Journey Church at 8:30 this morning, then you missed the sermon of a lifetime. Brother Robby did an excellent job delivering His message. He spoke about becoming a Christian, changing the way you live, and then sharing your story. He said it was our duty to tell our story to others. As I listened to a young man tell his "story" in front of the church, I fantasized about myself standing up there. In my fantasy I spoke eloquently and confidently about the day that my life changed. I walked across the stage without insecurity and with no cracking voice, I told my story that touched every heart in the room. In reality, I am petrified of speaking in front of a crowd and will do just about anything to avoid doing so. I sat in admiration of this young man's ability to capture his audience, deliver a great message and tell a moving story all in one. Though I have a phobia of public speaking, I cannot let that hinder my responsibility as a Christian. So, if you don't mind, I would like to share my story with you from the safety of my very own desk chair........

BEFORE IT HAPPENED:
I grew up in a good old country household. I had a daddy that worked all the time, a mama that stayed home with us kids, and two brothers that I fought with constantly but loved more than life itself. Financially our family was very comfortable. We kids never longed for any material item. We were all involved in numerous after-school activities. We did not attend church. I listened to stories that my mom and dad told about their attending church as children. But, for whatever reason, as adults they did not go.  I always envied my friends when they spoke about all the fun things they did at this mystical place....."church"...The only time I was exposed to a church was when one of those friends just so happened to invite me. I always enjoyed my church experiences as a child.

When I grew into a teenager, I had a bit of a wild streak in me. My mom and dad had divorced, we became latchkey kids, and I lost my grandmother all in one swoop. Life as I knew it turned up side down. I found myself unable to really identify who I was or wanted to be. I changed crowds and quit all the activities that I once held dear. My mom was going through a difficult time, and I found it my duty to "take care of her" and my brothers. It was a dark time for us all. My church experiences as a teen were not as enjoyable as they had been years earlier. I felt judged by my outfit and considering mama barely made ends meet, it wasn't a designer outfit--I can assure you--so it probably wasn't a good judgement. Once when I was around 16 I went to a big church with a friend. I felt obligated to raise my hand when the pastor asked if anyone "wanted to be saved"...I was taken to a back room where someone prayed with me. Then they told me I was saved. I felt no different. I knew nothing about the meaning of the word "saved". My heart felt nothing and there was NO change.

 Soon, my mom conquered her troubles and pulled herself from her knees. I found myself lifted as well. I attended Junior College and met the boy that would eventually be my husband and the father of my children. After we married, I landed the job of my dreams, and had my first baby, I remember sitting in my office thinking "something is missing". I pretty much knew what it was. I felt this strong urge to attend a brand new church in Laurel, Journey Church. But I never did. I ignored that hole in my heart and tried to fill the void in my life with everyday distractions. I never wanted my children to grow up feeling envious listening to their friends talk about the cool club that they were a part of, church. But here I was, falling into the same pattern.

On April 25, 2011 I found out that my mom was going to die. Some of you already know that about your parents. Though I feared it, I never ACTUALLY thought it would happen to MY mom. I thought she would always be there with me. Teaching me, guiding me, griping at me, and loving me. Even at 28 years old, I could not picture life without my mom. So, I assumed I would never live life without my mom. She was invincible. When the doctor delivered the news that even IF she DID take medicine, it was unlikely that she would last longer than a year, I hit rock bottom. I am ashamed to admit that I was angry with everyone and everything. Even God. I became really upset when people spoke of a "grand plan", or a "reason for everything". I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want their prayers. Prayers had not helped me so far, why would they help me now? I had an unmeasurable amount of anger in my heart and my soul was broken. I was in a dark place. Darker than I had EVER been before.

WHEN IT HAPPENED:
One beautiful Sunday in June 2011, (June 5th to be exact), while listening to Brother Robby Johnson, pastor at Journey Church, preach about forming an authentic relationship with God, I felt my heart break. I had felt my heart softening, but until that particular sermon, I had not given in to it. I knew I could no longer handle this world without Him. I knew I could not handle this difficult situation without His guidance and I invited Him into my broken heart and my shattered soul and I asked him to forgive me and guide me on a new path. I cried uncontrollably, yet felt better than I ever had before.

AFTER IT HAPPENED:
 I reluctantly admit that it is true that I turned to Him out of desperation, when I was lost and felt I had no other choice. But I CHOOSE to continue to follow Him. Obviously I am a very "immature Christian", (as brother Robby calls us), but I have seen and felt many changes in my life. For starters, my heart no longer feels heavy or empty. I believe that though I do not understand it, there IS a grand plan and a reason for everything. I invite people to pray for me and feel grateful that they do. I pray for others and talk to God daily. I am ignorant when it comes to biblical facts and could not recite passages from the bible to save my life. But I can tell you that I am eager to learn and enjoying doing so each Sunday. I am excited and passionate about building on this new found relationship. I am not all smiles, hunky-dorey and think that life is great all the time.....I still feel scared, I still cry, I still get confused and I fall constantly.....But, I feel the presence of a hand reaching to pull me up now. That is not a presence I have ever felt before. It is a presence I NEVER want to be without again.


So there it is, "my story". It is still in the works. Perhaps I will tell it again soon, and the "BEFORE" will be the shortest part, and the "AFTER" will be much longer.

 If you find yourself in a dark place, darker than you have ever been before, perhaps it is time to let some light into your life. Let Him in.