At 12:58am this morning, I received a text from a little bald lady. It said "Happy Birthday Baby. I love you SO much. The BIG 2-9!". It was the first of several calls and texts from family members and friends, but it was the one that affected me most. I laid her meds out last night, and we went with the double dose again. Though she said she slept well, she had a really, really bad day today. She woke up here and there, but she didn't GET UP until well after lunch. That is AFTER sleeping through the night. The excessive sleep through the morning was not drug induced, because she took her first meds at 1pm today.....I am just SO worried about her. She's hurting, she's exhausted, she's just pitiful. I HAD to keep myself busy all day to keep from being sad. I stayed home alone with the girls the whole morning. Amber told me that mom had confided in her yesterday that she felt she still had alot of things to "take care of". She said it as though she felt she was running out of time. I thought about this and thought about this before breaking down on the phone with Michael around midday. Usually, me and mom are together on my birthday (well, at least we would have been AFTER she got off work). But each time I called or asked Amber to check, mom was asleep. I barely spoke to her all day. That was really hard.
After the girls woke up, we headed over to mom's. I was excited when I pulled up and I smelled my favorite----LASAGNA! Mom was outside in her pjs.
I was SO happy that there was going to be a little bit of normalcy to this day. Mom fixed my favorite...My meal of choice.....Just like always.....I knew she could do it....
Come to find out, when mom couldn't wake up and muster up some energy to cook (her little tradition that she does on our bdays).....My big brother did it. His first pan of lasagna. It was delicious.
Amber made my favorite, carrot cake. It was made from scratch and was absolutely delish! Unfortunately, no one remembered candles. But mama wouldn't have it ANY other way....I had to blow SOMETHING out....Guess what I wished for....
Isn't she pretty?
Josh had to work, BUT he sent his gift by Amber. Apparently he had sent her scrambling this morning to get it printed and framed. It was a picture of him in a mullet wig and cut off shorts. It was the best gift a girl could ask for.
Mama was quiet and kind of groggy acting. She was very affectionate with me and asked her usual "do you feel any older???". She ate good and managed to stay awake the whole time I was there, though I could tell she was really struggling. She called just as I arrived home to tell me that she took the medicine I laid out for her. She said she was sorry that she didn't make the lasagna, but she loved me and hoped that I had a wonderful birthday. Her voice was so sweet and genuine. I felt a lump growing, once again, in my throat.
When I got the girls bathed and in bed, I found it hard to not let my mind wander. I wondered if I would ever spend another birthday with my mama. Thinking that this was the last one, ever, made me cry. I told Michael that I found it very unfair that my mama, who is so good, and honest, and needed, had to be dealt this hand in life. I just don't understand it. He hugged me and allowed me to cry on his shoulder. He didn't say much, just that he loved me.
Later on, I sent Ronnie and Amber "thank you" texts for my delicious meal. I text Ronnie "It is sad to think that I would not have gotten my usual lasagna if it had not been for you. My how things change". His reply was very simple, yet made my tears go away in an instant. He replied "You will ALWAYS get lasagna on your birthday, Nikki".........you have to know, it wasn't
really about the lasagna......
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