R-Day

Today was a day that came with much dread from all of us. None more so than my mom. we found out (as I was about to leave) yesterday that radiation would begin today. We knew it was coming. It has actually been postponed a couple days for this reason or another. But I think we were all expecting the weekend to come and go before we actually had to undergo this scary ordeal. When the call came in, the look on mom's face turned to fear. After a full night of Neva running 104 fever, I knew that she needed to see a dr. So I called Amber and asked her to go make sure that mom was up and getting ready for her appointment (because I would not be able to pick her up). I knew, as scared as she was, I needed to find a way to be there for her. We found out that Neva has the very contagious Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. So sadly, the kids will be unable to be around mom for a couple days--again. Usually adults have been exposed to this illness and are not at great risk, but our pediatrician recommended that in mom's fragile state--we give it a couple days. Luckily, Michael was able to watch the girls in town for a min while I went to support mama at her very first radiation appointment.

I was worried that she would be late without me there to gripe at her about being on time. But she showed up RIGHT on time, with company.

There were alot of things working against her here. She has to lay flat on a hard table. Since she has been sick, laying flat makes it very difficult for her to breathe. She is a bit claustrophobic so the mask that fits over her face (it bolts to the table), causes her to panic a bit. She cannot open her eyes, lick her lips, or anything because it is so tight. And the worst, her fear for what is about to happen to her. She was crippled by fear.

She was shaking. I asked Josh to hold her hand while I commemorated her first session.The staff is wonderful, but this is one scary place.

He didn't let go, until he had to. We all love our mama so much and need her as much as when we were kids. It was nice having Josh there today. His and Ronnie's schedules do not allow them to make many appointments. The emotional support was welcomed.

Radiation is dangerous. So we had to leave the room. We watched her on this little monitor in an adjacent room. When the therapist hit the button to begin the radiation I started to cry. All I could see was her little body laying there, scared and helpless. Trusting that she was in good hands. Your brain is YOURS. It is not everyday that you have to trust it in someone else's possession. It was truly the scariest moment since mom has been sick. She had been having second thoughts--at this moment so was I. I was tempted to yell "stop!" and carry her straight to my car.

About 5 min later, it was over. I couldn't wait for them to get her off that table. My heart was breaking for her.

If you doubted for a second how tight and uncomfortable her mask was, check out her indentions. Her face has been swelling for a while as a side effect of her medications. You have probably noticed this is some of the photos I have posted. The swelling only added to her discomfort. She tried to put on a smile for me.......

I can't go to her house until I have a babysitter. But, I have spoken with her several times and I am very concerned about a headache she has had since radiation today. She has not been having headaches, so we find ourselves blaming radiation, although the staff at the clinic says that one treatment should not result in any pain. Usually headaches are a sign of a swelling brain, but are accompanied by blurred vision and dizziness, nausea and vomiting. She only has the headache, but I am out of my mind worried. I feel like I am not there for her and it's driving me crazy. She was laying down for a nap earlier, so I haven't tried to call. But as soon as Michael gets here, I am headed over there to check on her. I won't rest until I know she's okay. This radiation stuff is really, really scary.