I'll Take It

Last night I had a tough time sleeping. My mind kept bouncing from thing to thing and before I knew it, Michael's clock was going off. I finally went into a good sleep after he left, but it was short lived. My girl's decided to wake up early this morning. I awoke with my hand reaching for the phone. It is almost automatic. I called expecting Amber to answer and give me a rundown of mom's night and morning so far. But I was shocked when a familiar voice answered on the second ring "Hello!?!"  mama said vibrantly. I could almost see her smiling over the phone. That was her smile-voice. "Wow, it's you!" I responded. "Yep, I'm better. I'm not well, but I feel better. My chest feels A LOT better." I thought to myself "I'll take it....This will work for me." We made a game plan for her appointments today and I let her go so that she could call her sisters and tell them the good news. We met at Jefferson Medical to get her blood work done. She came driving up in her little sun hat. She looked very cute. Weak but cute. Sadly, her levels are the same. Which means she is still very fragile and at great risk for a lot of things. Luckily her xray from yesterday didn't reveal any horrible infections. They said it looked alright. We just really have to monitor her fever, stay away from germs and large crowds, and watch for bleeding still. She cant shave or anything that might result in a cut. Basically, she has to take it easy until we get these levels up.

By the way, if you see mama, don't let her hug you. She will every time. She loves hugs and kisses. She is probably the friendliest person I know. But the germs can be absolutely devastating to her condition right now. She won't listen to the dr and she especially won't listen to me! Maybe she will listen to you! If she does, tell her to start wearing her masks in public too!

Next came our appt. with the radiation dr. This is something that mama has been dreading with great fear. It was a pretty good wait, but when he came in he was more than willing to answer ALL of our questions.....And there were alot. If mom's still doing good and her levels are safer, radiation will begin next week. We found out that the radiation will seem just like getting an xray. There is no pain in the procedure. She will walk in and 10 minutes later she will be done. They will do this 5 days a week for 3 whole weeks. They will be radiating her WHOLE brain. She had 2 tumors. One they can't really see anymore. The other is tiny. However, the reason for radiating the whole brain, is her type of cancer (small cell) likes to hide in tiny places where it can't be detected. Whole brain radiation is the safest bet in getting EVERYTHING in there. He said that she will lose her hair and she may or may not get it back. Sometimes there is permanent loss. Her scalp will feel irritation similar to a sunburn, which she will treat with an aloe vera ointment at home. She will be very, very fatigued. Probably more so than she is now. But there shouldn't be any nausea, vomiting, dizziness, headaches or appetite loss. The only way she would experience these things, is in the event that her brain starts swelling. This is a concern for most people doing brain radiation. He doesn't think mom is likely to experience brain swelling because her cancer is so small. This is more common with larger brain tumors. However, if it does start to swell, he will treat it with steroids. Mom's biggest concern has been about memory, her vision, cognitive thinking or her ability to think clearly and do everyday activities-- will all of this be effected by treatment? The answer is "No." At least, not right now. Not after only one cycle. These side effects usually come years after treatment. However, if the cancer is left untreated, it can cause all of these things to be affected as it grows larger and heavier on her brain. They don't like to do anymore than one "cycle" of radiation because of the cognitive and memory damage that it can cause. However, with mom's cancer so small, he doesn't see a need in discussing more than one cycle. Multiple cycles are reserved for person's with large cancers that are negatively affecting certain aspects of their life (excessive pain, vision loss, etc.). I think mom found great relief in this. She was worried that she may become unable to recognize us or the kids or take care of herself and live normally.

He didn't really talk a whole lot about radiating mom's chest. I asked "if you did radiate her lungs, could you possibly get it all?" He answered kind of hesitantly. He said "We could get it all, but with cancer in the liver also, there is no guarantee that it won't spread back to her lungs the first day after radiation ends. She would have been through that for nothing". At this point, it seems he is radiating for mom's quality of life. Not for a cure. He actually said "I want you to live your life. I want you to have fun and enjoy your time". The advice is good. I'll take it. Of course, we are still hopeful for a cure. We will be forever hopeful.