Date night

Don't get me wrong, my roller coaster of emotions is still chugging along. But I realized last night, that mama was right.....ONCE AGAIN! I needed a little break. You're asking the question that I used to ask as a career woman "how can a stay at home mom need a break?" Well, let me tell you something: staying at home with your children is the HARDEST JOB that there is. There is no clock to punch at the end of the day. There are no lunch breaks. It is REALLY hard. I KNOW working moms have it hard because their children, supper and chores are waiting on them AFTER they work a full day. I have been there, done that. I remember work. I remember dropping Neva off in her classroom and escaping to my mountain of paperwork in my office. I got a little break from her. But what good is a break, when it is guilt-filled? Who knew it would be so hard to balance what is healthy for us and the kids and what is emotionally fulfilling? It is really tough being a mom! Well, MY mom has been telling me repeatedly "you need a break" "you need a break" "you need a break". And though I have some willing family members, I am not super comfortable leaving the girls so that I can gallivant. For what ever reason, it makes me feel really guilty. If I do leave them (which is rare), then I am breaking my neck to get back. So anyway, last night I took my break hoping it would alleviate some of these extreme emotions I have been experiencing. Because of the hours that my poor husband has been working (approx 15 hrs a day/7days a week), it really wasn't possible for us to take off to Hattiesburg. We would have to stay in Laurel. So, when he closed the shop, Michael and I went and got Neva's birthday present and then to eat at Applebee's. It was short-lived but absolutely welcomed. I called mom as we were leaving the restaurant around 8:45 and she urged me to leave BOTH girls over night. I was very concerned. Not for them, I know she will take great care of them. I was concerned for her. My kids wear ME out! I worried that those active little girls would get her down, and she might have a hard time regaining her energy/strength. She kept telling me to go home and rest, so I finally agreed. "Alright", I said "I'm not going to call back". My mom, having a way with words, replied "ok, good! Be careful, love you, goodnight". So, 5 min later when I called back, She answered with "you lied". I quickly asked to speak to Neva, then Nori, but both girls were so preoccupied with their fun little pallet in the living room, popcorn, and Transformers on tv (Neva's favorite), that they wouldn't even tell me goodnight! I could hear them playing and giggling and Mom sounded happy and vibrant. So I decided to REALLY not call back this time. After getting home, taking a FULL length shower and watching trash tv,  I lay there in bed without interruption. With no distractions from my thoughts, I realized that my baby Neva was turning 3 years old on Saturday. I found myself traveling in a time machine back to 2008.

I was the Director of Childcare at The Children's Academy (a childcare facility for the employees of SCRMC). I was proud of my position and worked VERY hard and VERY long hours. It was my goal to turn a "daycare" into a Preschool. My mom was super supportive of my efforts. She would come to my office several times a week, if not daily. When I found out I was pregnant, I was elated. There were no worries because I had health insurance, sick leave, vacation time, and after the baby was born, she could come to work with me. I remember I told mom with a heart felt card. At the close of the card was a picture. When she flipped it over, it was a sonogram image. She yelled in delight! It sounded something like this "woooo hoooo!".  She got on the phone with the aunts immediately. Though everyone was happy, it was a troubled pregnancy. The first 14 weeks were filled with nausea, vomiting, extreme fatigue and all of those things we moms like to forget about. All of that stopped miraculously in the second trimester. Unfortunately it was replaced with prelabor contractions. Some not so bad, some were excruciating. These lasted the remainder of the pregnancy and landed me in the hospital twice. I was put on bed rest for a few weeks. When I finally got released from bedrest, I went back to work. I proudly admit that I worked right up until the birth. When I realized I was in labor on August 19, 2008 at around 4:00 pm, Michael decided that it was imperative that he hang a newly mounted deer head in the living room before we left for the hospital. So I went and laid in the bed and called mama. "I think it's time" I said. "Mama" I started to cry "I'm scared. I'm not ready!" She kind of laughed. "You're ready! I am SO excited!" She almost beat us there. I was pretty sure that no one would be in the delivery room other than Michael and I. But at the last minute, I KNEW I needed my mom. She was so excited to be there. She held my hand and called the aunts with every small update. When I finally started pushing, I will never forget the fear in her eyes. Now that I have daughters, I get it. August 20, 2008 at 2:05am is When Neva made her first appearance in this world (a full hour after starting to push). Michael's eyes were glued to her. In fact, he forgot I existed for a while. But not mama. She fought back the urge to meet her brand new granddaughter and stood by me saying "good job baby, good job" rubbing my hand and kissing my forehead repeatedly. We were both crying. When I held that little body in my arms, I told my new baby girl "Happy birthday baby". Even though she still had that yucky stuff on her, I couldn't stop kissing her. She was perfect. My love for Michael grew tremendously in that moment and I knew that I could not have done it without him OR my mom there. The next few months were wonderfully stressed. I tried to balance my demanding job with my desire to be super-mom. My mom would frequently tell me "your doing great" or "you're such a good mama". These small phrases were the huge reassurance I needed as I felt like I was failing. Though she was with me, when we left TCA (my job) after a 12 hour day, I felt guilty. I wondered if my little baby knew where her home was. And what I had to offer her at the end of the day was hardly "super mom" qualities. That is when I decided to leave my job and spend as much time as possible with my little one. I don't regret it even for a minute. She was the best baby, the sweetest toddler and it now the cutest small child in the world (of course, I'll tell you the same thing about Nori). Neva is brilliant. I don't mean it in a "mamas always think their kids are smart" kind of way. I really mean it! She is incredible. Her vocabulary has been astonishing people for nearly 2 years now. Of course when I try to show this off in public, Neva gets all silly and makes weird faces and goofy noises. You wouldn't even think she can talk! She got her public speaking skills from me, I guess! She and my mom have always been and (it appears) they will always be best friends. They have a very special connection.  Neva shares a 3 way spot for the title "Absolute Love of My Life".

 Now, my baby is going to be THREE years old. My how time flies. Time flies and brings about such changes that we could never predict. After I finished my mental ride from 2008-present day, I proceeded to have the best night's sleep I have had in a LONG time. During my "trip" I realized just how many positive memories I have to fall back on. Things are tough right now. Really tough. But I have a lifetime of happiness to recollect when my head hits the pillow at night. My little break that mama MADE me take, was just what I needed. Thank you mama. Turns out, I didn't have to leave Laurel for a good night away. I just had to close my eyes.