Glorious Today

When I felt her forehead, I knew something was wrong. Mom was definitely warm. She had flu-like symptoms. She felt horrible. When I took her temperature and the thermometer revealed a temp of 101, I felt my heart fall into my stomach. "Today is the day" I thought. I am in constant fear that "the day" is coming. "The day" that mom's health hits a downward spiral. I quickly called the Dr. on call, Dr. Dobbs, who referred us to the SCRMC emergency room. For those of you asking yourselves "Why an ER visit for such a low fever?" The answer is simple yet complicated. Basically, ANY fever with a cancer patient taking chemo is an emergency. They typically can't fight off even minor stuff like you and I. The Dr. told us it was very likely that they would admit mom to administer fluids and antibiotics. When I broke the news to mom, she was not happy, but she knew she needed to see someone. She was very sick. So I called Ronnie, Josh and the Aunts. Michael put the car seats in his truck and drove away with two angry little girls. We took off, hearts aching with fear, to the ER.

When we walked in, the red carpet rolled out for us. Dr. Dobbs had called ahead and per her orders, the TEN minutes that we had to wait, we were in a separate room--free of germs. During that ten minutes, Josh was on his way, and me, Ronnie and Mom were talking. She told us that she knew she was sick several days earlier, but hoped it was just a passing thing. We then engaged in a light lecture in which we told her that she couldn't let these things go. She HAD to tell us. We can't feel what she is feeling. She took the "scolding" like a pitifully, ashamed child. Head down. Nervously tapping her feet. Rocking her body back and forth in her chair. And then, her lip began to tremble. "I am so scared" she began. "I am so scared that it's growing inside me. I feel as bad as I did in the beginning. I don't think the medicine is working". She broke down in a hysterical cry. She was scared. This hit me hard. This is one of the first times I have heard her talk about being fearful. This is one of the first times she has revealed any negative thoughts. I thought I was alone with my fears. Everyone, especially her, seems so confident. I hugged her and assured her that I loved her with all my heart, but I couldn't help but think "maybe she is right".

Josh arrived right after we were called back and we were immediately working diligently on a plan to defy the "2 visitors per room" rule. Unfortunately, they had a hall monitor that took her job very seriously. She was kind of scary too. It took some doing, some definite "James Bond" type maneuvers, but we all three made our way in there. At one point, I was hiding behind a curtain from a nurse that was checking moms temp (the curtain only came about halfway down my leg-SOME hiding spot) and she found me! But, she was nice enough to let me stay.We only came out to allow "the aunts" (moms sisters) and Brother Robby to go in and visit. They checked her blood, did a flu swab, and a chest Xray. When the Dr came back in he gave us some pretty great news, everything looked good. She had Bronchitis and needed an IV antibiotic, but we would be able to go home. Mom was relieved. But when the cheers really let out is when he revealed that the chest Xray showed a significantly smaller cancer in moms chest! We were SO excited! But, I think I speak for all of us when I say, we couldn't rest easy until we got the CT and MRI results today. However, When I got home at midnight last night, I kissed my angelic, sleeping girls and went to sleep with a smile on my face. As I drifted off, I replayed the scene in my head over and over and over. It was the FIRST positive news we have heard in ages.

Mom slept the better part of today. She is weak. She has the worst cough you could imagine. She really isn't any better, except the fever is gone. We arrived at her appointment, unknowing if we would receive test results or if this was just a weekly checkup. Once again, in her blunt way, (I kind of like the straight forward approach), the Dr revealed the results without warning. It was our miracle! All of mom's cancer is significantly smaller! There has been much progress. Of course, this is a miracle to us, although this is a common response for Small Cell Cancer to have after a couple cycles of chemo. We, sadly, were expecting bad news today. It is what we are used to receiving. Positive news may be typical in the world of statistics-but it is anything but typical for us here lately. The TRUE miracle, that even the Dr admitted wasn't expected, is that her brain tumors were smaller! Much smaller! The Dr. told us in the beginning that the chemo WOULD NOT treat the brain tumors. They would be monitored closely, and if there was movement, they would begin radiation. This was an unexpected bonus. "Some of the medicine made it up there, I guess" she replied using her scientific train of thought. "It can happen, it's just not typical".

My mom refuses to believe that chemo touched her brain. "The prayers we've received shrank my tumors" she declared with her hoarse, weak voice. "It was God". I  proudly admit that I agree with her whole heartedly.

 When we left, we were on cloud nine. Happiness overflowed from our hearts. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. We don't know when "the day" will come. But today, GLORIOUS today, brought us our miracle.