What Will Be With Wednesdays?

We stood out there silently. The group of people that never finds a silent moment amongst them. The sky was threatening us with clouds of gray. All of us dressed in black to represent a dark moment in our lives. We waited for every sibling, cousin, and grandchild to arrive. Then, as a family, we stepped inside. His children led the way. Their families followed close behind. We were greeted by the Funeral Director. A slide show had been prepared in my grandfather's honor. We took our places in front of the TV and it began. In just a few moments, we watched the man we adore grow from a child to a great grandfather. As we found ourselves on the screen, we were taken back to a brighter day. This memory made the entire room erupt into tears. The thick silence was filled with sniffles and the sounds of sadness. My heart was already breaking, as I was taken back through photos to a simpler day filled with happiness. I looked at my Mom "the loud one" crying into her hands, my uncle "the funny one", fighting back his tears as he was his father's only son, and their baby sister, "the sensitive one" huddled up with her husband and children, all of them sobbing. But when I really felt myself breakdown, was when I saw their oldest sister, "the strong one" begin crying uncontrollably.

When the slide show was over, we were led to the casket. I knew this would be difficult for us all. I watched my mom and her siblings lean down and kiss the vessel that used to possess the vibrant spirit of their father. I found out later that my mom, who kept staring at him intently, was waiting desperately for him to take a breath and wake up. When my uncle led me to the casket, I looked down tears streaming my face. I hate it when this is said, but he really did look good. He looked at peace. I pressed my forehead to his. My heart shattered as I longed for him to reach up and hug me as he had done so many times in the past. He was gone. I still need him, but he is gone. Some of the grandchildren placed their driver's licenses in the casket with him, because it was a special memory of their's that he took them for their driving test. I simply placed some artwork that my daughter's made for him. That is my special memory. Watching him dote on my children. He was very active in my children's lives. He didn't play a "great grandfather" role. He played a "GRANDFATHER" role. Now they don't have him. All I keep asking myself is "what will be with Wednesdays?"

Wednesdays......Wow..... If I explain it, it will seem too simple to be special. But it SO was. We would visit him on Wednesday. Usually we would sit outside. He would bargain and bribe my children for "sugar" using....well...using sugar! What I mean is, he would stock up with sweet snacks in hopes of getting my fast paced girls to slow down, climb in his lap and give him a kiss. He lived for it. He truly adored my girls. They adored him. I adored him. We've been close, but in the last year or so of my papaws life we had grown much closer. Seeing each other once a week and speaking on the phone regularly. I would specifically cook a big meal on Tuesday, so I could take him a plate on Wednesday. He would brag so much on my food (and I couldn't get enough of the praise--I'll admit it). Wednesday is a day we found ourselves stopping to relax on his front porch soaking up the sunshine and breathing in the summer breeze. A day where we literally did "stop and smell the roses". The day ended with hugs and kisses and "call me tomorrow". I would count the seconds until the next day, so I could call and get the verdict on meal I brought. (I knew it was a positive review) Papaws reviews of me were ALWAYS positive. He was so special to me. But now, what will be with this ache in my heart? This hole in my life? What will be with Wednesdays?

The one-day funeral event ended with us congregating over delicious donated food at my papaws house. Neva kept asking "where's Papaw The Great?" This caused a sting in my heart. We were all there, but there was a HUGE piece of the puzzle missing. We hugged and reminisced and shared stories to uplift one another. Then, when it was time to go our separate ways, my aunt "the strong one" asked "what happens to our family now?" I couldn't help but notice, that no one was able to answer. A life without Papaw is too difficult for any of us to grasp right now. I think it was assumed, that "time will tell".

As Michael was loading Neva into the car she said "wait! What about Papaw The Great? You wanna go see him for a little while?" It was if she had realized he was missing. The ice cream, the sitting in his lap, the hugs and kisses, the final "I love you Papaw The Great" before we left and planned our next visit to see him. All of it was missing. Michael's sad eyes met my tear filled eyes. "Neva, Papaw The Great is in Heaven with the angels" I responded. "Can we go there to see him?" she asked. My heart was broken. All I could muster up was "We will one day baby. We will one day".