Positively Blessed

   My sister in law told me yesterday "Thursday is the first day I've seen you smile in a long time". She said she got a glimpse of the "old me" for the first time since my mom was diagnosed. I know I have changed. It's tough when I realize that other people notice it. Sometimes I get so caught up in all of my fears and losses that I don't focus on all the great things in my life. I just wanted to take an opportunity to talk about some of the positive things in my life--a definite change of tone for this blog.

Neva is my two year old "mature beyond her years" helper. I keep calling her that, but she will actually be three in August. She is the funniest kid ever! She has been verbal since birth, I think. She articulates her thoughts and feelings as well as a child double her age. She has long beautiful hair. The kind with golden ringlets. The kind I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how to fix. She loves gymnastics and cooking. She has been helping me cook since she got old enough to hold her head up while sitting on my hip. She has a true passion for creating. My front door, refrigerator and one of the walls in her room are all covered in her "creations". She has a art cabinet in her room where she can just go crazy and color and glue and paint. She loves it. She is SO smart! She loves books. We go to the library every Tuesday to quench her thirst for literature. (We have missed a few Tuesdays recently). She has had some behavior issues lately for which I blame our situation. But she is wonderful with her sister. There is some normal jealousy, but she is Nori's caretaker. I heard her talking to Nori in the living room the other day and I stopped washing dishes and tuned in to what she was saying. It went something like this "Those shoes don't fit you anymore, baby. They are too little" she cupped Nori's face in her hands " but I love you, my wonderful child" she said sweetly. (That is a line from her FAVORITE book "I Love You, Stinky Face"). I felt my heart swell. During this difficult time in our lives Neva has really been a rock. Although she has endless questions. Difficult questions. She has asked "why does Gammy have cancer?", "Does Chemo hurt?" "Will Gammy get better?" and the worst one "Is Gammy gonna die?" She and my mom have always been close. So this is hard for her. She was the first grandchild to spend the night with mama. They are each other's biggest fans. She has had a tough time understanding that Gammy cannot lift her or run through the yard or get down in the floor anymore. She cannot stay the night anymore. She very seldom gets to stay at all. She does enjoy our daily visits though. And she is quick to remind mom "it's time for a bweathing tweatment".  She's not a big kisser or hugger, until nap time or bedtime. As she is falling asleep she will kiss me a hundred times and tell me over and over "I love you SO much".

Nori, my 15 month old is my precious angel. She is HILARIOUS and BAD (don't tell her I said that)! She has these facial expressions that just crack me up. She is so quick to just walk up to you and kiss you square on the mouth and give you a big ole' hug. When I am crying (too often to mention), this baby is the first one to put down her toy and climb in my lap giving me repetitive kisses. She is just as quick, however, to slap you in the face. She is a definite handful. We have had emergency room visits and falls and bo-bo's that we never had with Neva. She has an unnatural obsession with her belly button. In fact, any given moment, you will find her-shirt up and finger in belly button. She has been telling me to change her diaper and even going to get the diaper for me since she was 12 mos old! She has a language that only a few can translate, although she has mastered "yes mam" and "no mam". She is so beautiful. She will NOT keep a bow in her hair. Actually, the quickest way to see that little attitude is to even touch her hair. She and my mom are close as well. Not as close as mom and Neva, but that is because mom has been sick a large portion of Nori's life. Even before the diagnosis, she battled bronchitis, various colds and pneumonia. But Nori loves her "mammy" (she can't say Gammy). She will point to mom's port and label it "bo-bo", then give it a big kiss. Mom just eats up the attention from her. Nori enjoys the outdoors and her kitty "George". She also loves alone time. She had a tent in her room for a while that she loved to just go sit and "read" in. After it met it's demise,  I set space under her crib up like a little fort equipped with all the necessities: stuffed animals and books. She looks up to her sister and mimics her behavior daily (NOT a good thing sometimes!).

Michael and I have been together for over 9 years. I know it sounds cheesy, but for the sake of being honest, I love him more each day. I believe our love is maturing as it grows older. It has blossomed into something I could not have even imagined when we were first dating. We could not be more opposite. Everyone has always said we were an odd couple. Perhaps that is why it works so well. We have our moments, but don't all couples? We agreed before Neva was born to always be on the same page with our parenting. And so far, so good. We want to raise our kids "old school". I (temporarily) put my career on hold to honor this commitment. We want our kids to eat a home cooked meal every night (hot dogs count, right?). We want them to feel the true excitement of Christmas and birthdays, so we do not buy gifts in between. We want them to earn things. At 2 and 1, they have to clean their own messes and they help us plant and work the garden. We sit at our table and eat every night. We refuse to let TV taint quality time. It may seem a little dated, but it works for us. He and my mom have a great relationship. He would do anything for her. Mom adores him. (although she did give him a hard time when he asked for her blessing to propose to me. I wasn't there, but I heard she was one tough cookie) Michael has been incredible through all of this. I wanted the girls to attend Papaws funeral, not the viewing, just the funeral. So, Michael got them down for nap, woke them up, got them dressed and brought them to me in Taylorsville just in time for the service. (Their hair wasn't brushed, their shoes were not on, and Nori's dress was on backwards...but he tried! All of that was "fixable"). That is just one of many instances that he tapped into his "Super Dad" capabilities. I truly could not handle all of this without his unwavering support.

   I do have alot of heartache right now. But I also have SO many reasons to smile. I WILL put forth more effort to focus on the positive. Though I don't know what tomorrow holds, the sun will still come up. The Earth will keep turning. Life will go on. I will be blessed to be a part of it.