Thursday morning, I called repeatedly until I got mom to answer. She needed to be at the clinic when it opened. She needed two hours of fluids, then over an hour of pre-meds (usually anti-nausea, a steroid, etc), then 2 separate bags of the actual chemo therapy (ranging between one hour and an hour and a half per bag). In the middle of all this, she had to run over to Oncologics and do simulation. My aunt, Punkin, came from Taylorsville to hang out with mom. Though I knew she had company, I worked diligently to devise a plan that would allow me to be in the room the moment the meds pumped through her veins for the first time. Luckily, my sister in law, Jamina, was free and more than willing to keep the girls for me. I didn't get to the clinic until around 1, so mom had several hours in by the time I arrived. I took her and my aunt some lunch and the nurses some donuts. I arrived just in time for the first bag of chemo to begin. Her body seemed to respond to it just fine. She actually ate a WHOLE hamburger! And between doze-offs and wake-ups, she ate a whole donut too! She started taking an appetite stimulant Monday (after we found out she lost 5 lbs. in ONE week), and it actually seems to be working. Unfortunately, I would not be able to stay for the second bag to begin, because I had an appointment of my own. The second medicine, is the one I was most worried about. Ms. Kathy had warned us that sometimes is causes IMMEDIATE diarrhea. I encouraged mom to bring a change of clothes with her, (just in case). She also had to take a prescription strength anti-diarrhea medicine just before they hooked it up. I prayed that she would not have any problems as I headed over to my OB clinic in Ellisville.
Everything was fine with me and the baby. I am just over 30 weeks, and I feel HUGE. He said my weight and measurements were fine. I guess your body just looks different with each pregnancy. I am not a fan of this look. Anyway, I bombarded Dr. Weber with personal information about my current situation with my mom. He probably thought I was crazy bringing it up out of nowhere, but I've got to tell you, I felt better after venting. I scheduled my next visit, left my clinic and headed back over to mom's. When I got there, I realized that she had obviously tolerated medicine #2 really well. She didn't have any accidents and she felt fine. Tired, but fine. I could sense the fatigue from Punkin too. It was a long day for both of them. Mom and I encouraged her to head home, while the last few minutes of medicine finished pumping.
That night, though I worried about germs, I took mom to pay her respects to the deceased father of a close family friend. The girls were with me, so I dropped her off at the door of the funeral home. I watched as she walked through the parking lot, with her big jacket on, her little body, and her toboggan adorning her head. I don't like to be in the presence of funeral homes now (not that I ever did). But now it takes on a new meaning. It makes horrible thoughts and visions pass through my mind. I even avoid looking in their direction as I pass by them in my car. Needless to say, I was glad when I saw her walk out the door and head toward my car.
Friday was a pretty bad day for me. I spent the morning trying to calm down a horrible back pain and control some pretty aggravating contractions. Finally, around 2:00, I was able to really get up and move around. I had not seen mom all day, and had only spoke to her a couple times briefly. But I could tell she was tired. She said she didn't know if it was chemo-related or if it was just from having such a long week behind her. I told her it was probably a little bit of BOTH. We only had air in our cabinets and fridge, so I had NO choice but to take advantage of the fact that my back was calm for the moment, and that the contractions had temporarily stopped, and go grocery shopping. Walmart was HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE. I forgot half of what I went in there for. The kids were....ok......better than usual, but not great. I ran into a young mom that I have known for a while. She asked me about mama. I answered with my quick go-to answer: "She's alright". Then spoke about running to doctor's appointments, running after a toddler and preschooler and being super pregnant at the same time. It was a purposeful subject change. If I talk too much about mama, I cry. I don't want people to think I do nothing but cry....Although sometimes it might be true. She then began to tell me the story of her mother's passing. She and her mother were best friends. Her children adored their grandmother and spent alot of time with her. When her diabetes required her to have an amputation, she developed an infection that ultimately led to her death. That was three years ago. She spoke about the situation with conviction and strength, though I could see the hurt in her heart as I looked into her eyes. She is close to my age, but she seemed wise beyond her years...Perhaps hardened by life and the lessons it throws at us. I did end up crying. But, I felt better after hearing her speak. Sometimes I feel so alone....Like I am the only one who has ever been through something like this. Like no one understands me. I know that isn't true, but I still feel that way sometimes. For a moment yesterday, I felt justified in all of my thoughts and feelings. Taking care of a sick parent isn't an easy task. It was nice to talk to someone who has "been there done that". I left with her phone number and an invite to call anytime.
On the way out, I noticed a big platter of watermelon, and picked it up with intentions of surprising my mom with her favorite treat. After all, I had not seen her all day. When I got to mom's house she seemed okay. Tired, but okay. She had slept most of the day. She hugged both girls tight and talked about how much she missed them. It was the longest we have been apart in a while. I helped her put on her newest medicine, a pain patch, then we left to head home and cook supper.
Sadly, my mom is unable to attend a pretty big event taking place today. My brother's football team is playing in Jackson for the Championship title. This is not something that would have EVER been missed in our precancer life--by any of us. But I fear the car ride alone would be too much for her little body to bear...... SO, if SHE can't go, WE can't go. We are in this together. We plan to make the best of a bad situation. Since it is airing on tv, we intend to have a party at mom's house, similar to a Superbowl party, with plenty of food. Whether we're sitting in a stadium or right there next to the Christmas tree in mama's living room, I am just glad she is here and that we can all be together.
GO TORNADOES!
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