Bonfire of Realization

This morning began with my waking up to some pretty bad back pain. I don't want to send mixed messages, I know I have already referred to this pregnancy as a " breeze". And as for complications or serious ailments, it has been. But it truly has been the MOST UNCOMFORTABLE pregnancy out of the three. Turns out the wear and tear on a body after three back to back pregnancies, teamed with running after and lifting a toddler AND a preschooler is pretty rough. Who knew?  Anyway, I immediately began calling mom to check on her (like always). I could not get an answer. I knew this meant she was sleeping late. I also knew that if she was sleeping THIS late, it was fair to assume that this, too, was not going to be a great day. I couldn't get a hold of anyone, actually. Not Amber, Ronnie or Mom. I quickly realized that IF I was going to church, I was going alone. This would be the first time, EVER, that I have walked into Journey alone. Having had a pretty heavy and sad heart lately, I knew I needed to go. I waited until the later service to attend, hoping my back would ease up, and it did. I was also hoping I would get in touch with my mom who would inform me that she was getting dressed and meeting me there, but I never got her. So after the usual morning marathon that we call "getting ready", the girls and I were on our way. About half way there, I finally got Ronnie to answer the phone. He informed me that mom, indeed, was still sleeping. Though I really already knew, I found myself slightly disappointed that mom DEFINITELY would not be joining me. When I walked in, I took the girls to their designated rooms and went to find my seat. The second service is always super packed out. I spotted some friends and toyed with the idea of joining them.....But decided to tuck away by myself instead. As the music played I found myself glancing over at the empty chair beside me. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of my mom. Every time our eyes meet during a sermon she gives me a soft, sweet smile. Sometimes we even hold hands as we hear His word. But the chair remained empty. I started tearing up a couple times at the thought of my mom. I was thinking of her long ago, just recently and today. I was wondering how she looked this morning. I fantasized that she was sleeping late, because she stayed up late watching movies or talking to my brother. Not because her body was drained from fighting off an enemy all day. When the music ended, Brother Robby began telling us about "practical Atheism". Apparently, Atheists BELIEVE God doesn't exist. Practical Atheists LIVE like God doesn't exist. Sadly, Christians can fall into this category. It didn't take long into his explanation for me to realize that some of those characteristics belong to me. I was mad at myself. I felt moved to try harder. To live better. I prayed as he spoke.

After the sermon, I went to retrieve the girls. First, my active, smarty-pants little Neva....I always get the feeling that she has given the Sunday School teachers a run for their money. I walk up to the classroom door in fear of what I am about to hear. But it is always the same: "she was good". I always kind of glance around the room to make sure that there are no holes in the wall, broken windows or injured children. What can I say? Anyway, then on to get Nori. My sweet lil Nori. The worst I expect from her is to wrap a baby in a hug so tight or kiss the other babies so much that they become upset. She had told everyone that "Mommy was at the beach". She has been talking about the beach alot lately. She talks about her Gammy "swimming at the beach". I don't really even know how she could remember our beach trip. Usually with kids her age, it's out of sight, out of mind. Strange. Anyway, I thanked the wonderful volunteers and we headed toward mom's house.

When we got there she was covered up on the couch. She didn't look the best in the world, but she did have a smile on. We discussed having a little family gathering tonight, because with my little brother landing a new job that involves travel, we don't really know how many more opportunities we will have for little get-togethers that involve ALL of us. We decided that later in the afternoon we would have a weenie/marshmallow roast in the back yard. I made a big pot of home-made chili while the girls napped. Michael had alot of stuff to do around the farm, but he joined us as we headed back to moms. He even loaded up our new puppy Sprinkles to join us. It was her first outing since we picked her up from the airport last week.

It was a little cold for her, and you could tell her energy level wasn't the best. But she was a trooper. She was SUPER excited about the marshmallows.

Luckily, we didn't end up in the ER. However there was alot of "roasted" food that had actually just been rolled around in the dirt.

That temperature just kept on dropping as the darkness crept up...

We bundled up the best we could. Nothing like a lil body warmth!

I couldn't help but notice that mom's KIDS seemed to have as much (if not more) fun than her GRAND KIDS. (check out this pose)

After around an hour or so, we all started feeling the effects of the temperature drop. There was a wave of little coughs washing over the back yard. And we were constantly wiping little noses.

Neva wasn't super fond of the black marshmallows. SO, she would put one on her stick, hold it over the fire for a split second, then devour it!

Did I mention that Amber is pregnant? Oh yeah, Amber is pregnant!

Can anyone say "spitting image"?

I cant get a good pic of that little rascal, but there are all the kids petting lil Sprinkles.

Time to dance off the sugar from those marshmallows! Talk about chaos!! At the bottom of this picture, you can see a certain someone watching fondly at the little loves of her life.

  

This is how the night ended. We left her where we found her. She seemed alright. But I can't help but worry.

As we drove home, I replayed the beautiful night that had just unfolded. My wonderfully crazy little babies had a great time. My husband gave me lots of hugs and kisses. My mom was there. And she laughed and talked and seemed to have a good time. She is NOT 100%. Not even close. But she is here. She is here and I can wrap my arms around her and say " I love you mama", and I can hear it back. Who knows if tomorrow holds this same luxury? Only God. This thought made me reflect on the sermon from earlier. How can a person with SO many blessings, live as though God doesn't exist? Of course He does. How could He not? Time to do some changing.