As I said in a previous post, we have been awaiting some test results that could change things dramatically. In a conversation with Amber, my sister in law, I revealed my feelings about the upcoming news. I said "I don't think any news that we get can be good news. It just can't be good." Either way it goes, the 6 cycles of chemo is about to end and then comes the waiting. It feels like we are waiting for it to grow back. Actually, that is exactly what we are doing. This whole thing had me scared and negative. I was dreading Monday and the news that it would bring.
Thursday:
Mom was feeling good, so she kept Neva while Nori and I took off to Hattiesburg to the Allergy Dr. After an hour wait and a consult with, quite fankly, the rudest Dr. EVER, I found out that Nori's reactions are probably related to viral infections. Meaning, there is really nothing that can be done about it. Nori behaved so well. I was so proud of her. The Dr, though he said he had been practicing for 27 years, had obviously never dealt with a one year old. I don't want to just keep bashing him, so I will end with "We are not going back". Though I left practically in tears, I felt better thinking that Nori and I got some alone time. During our long wait, I read her stories and tickled her and really soaked up our much needed QT. When I got back to moms, I found out that Neva had been to visit her cousins (Brady and Noah), she had been to the store to get a very large amount of candy, she had played outside and read a hundred stories. Basically, she had a blast. This made me feel good for both of them. This meant mom was doing good. AND it meant that Neva got her old Gammy back, at least for a day. I know she has been missing her.
Friday:
Mom felt great! She has been encouraging me to leave the girls more often, since she feels good. I have taken her up on her offer a couple of times. Friday was one of these times. I took Neva, just before mom was diagnosed, to her first movie, "HOP". It was an awesome experience. It was great to have one on one time with her. As most of you with multiple children know, it is hard to get one on one time that is uninterrupted by your other children. I vowed to make this a regular occurrence. To separate the girls once a week or every two weeks and give them "all of me". Then mom got sick. So, when she made the offer, I took her up on it. I left Nori with her and Neva, Noah, Amber and I took off to the Grand Theater in Hattiesburg to see the new Winnie the Pooh movie. We met my cousin Kristen and her son Cutter ( he's the same age as Neva and Noah). We had a GREAT time. It was nice to see my little worry wart, over thinker let loose and giggle like she should.
Bye Gammy and Nori! Have fun while we're gone!
Neva and Noah, best buds!
She got the love for popcorn honest!
CUTIE PIES! I'm glad I didn't get arrested for having my camera in the theater!
A little blurry.
We made plans to do it again soon!
When I got back to mom's, I found out that Nori, also, got the special "Gammy Treatment". They had a great time and mom still felt good. All in all, it was a GREAT day!
Saturday:
Took mom to Lowe's, then went home to have the laziest day ever. It was great!
Sunday:
We went to church, then after the girls' nap we had a family dinner. It was SO delicious and SO fun. I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading the news that we would be getting the next day. I had been pretty emotional just thinking about it. "What if they start radiation?" "They said she will be VERY fatigued." "She is ALREADY fatigued, it CANT get worse, it just can't." "There is just no way the news can be good." "Even if the cancer hasn't grown, everything is about to change." "I get that the chemo is breaking down her body, but WHY are we giving the cancer a head start to grow back?" "It just can't be good." These are the thoughts I was fighting back in an attempt to enjoy our family day.
Amber seems significantly happier about the camera than the other two!
Gammy started out with a big audience..........................
and ended rather smaller than it began!
Roasted chicken, baked ham, dressing, potato salad, peas, Mexican cornbread, macaroni and cheese with blueberry cobbler, strawberry cobbler and fudge brownies for dessert....MMMMMMMM!
There's my Nori, pretending to do one of Gammy's breathing treatments
She has a way of making each of us feel special....Like "I'm her favorite"
Shortly after the meal, this was the scene.
"Uncle Josh, Your body's a wonderland..."
This weird effect that is totally accidental. Or maybe she is riding this thing way TOO fast, I don't know!
It wouldn't be complete without a little time on Gammy's swing set. It started sprinkling and we announced "it's raining, time to go in!" To which Neva replied, "Nah, it actually feels comfortable..." We all busted out laughing!
I don't think there is actually anything wrong with my camera, just the operator!
Of course mom hit Michael up for a little home repair while he was there....Light fixtures, switches and all those pieces on the coffee table belong to a new door knob set. The kids were "helping him"
There is Neva, now: "doing my work" as she kept calling it. It consisted of shoving things into this lil hole in mom's door frame!
It was a LONG and FUN day!
Being with everyone and seeing mom and the kids together took my mind off of Monday. It truly was a great day for all of us.
Monday:
Michael came home just in time to watch the girls so that I could attend mom's appointment. When I pulled up, I saw that familiar lil black car in the parking lot and realized "she beat me here!". I saw her big smile through her tinted windows as I parked next to her. "How can she be smiling?", I wondered. There is no way the news today can be good. It can't be good. Either the cancer has shrank or it hasn't....either way we are on the brink of taking a chemo 'break' and begin radiation". She hugged and kissed me in the parking lot and said, "I love you". She actually DID seem nervous. I found out later that, mom too, was not expecting good news. After the lab work, a nurse called us back. We unexpectedly ran into Dr. Penland on the way to a room and she proceeded to deliver the most INTERESTING news, EVER! Right there in the hall. She said: "You can go....You're fine! Better than fine! All of your cancer is smaller. Even the brain tumors are smaller. The largest is 2mm! If you feel up to it, we are going to "push through" two more cycles of chemo and put the radiation on hold for a bit." My heart skipped a beat. I looked at mom and we both revealed our signature shared trait...Our big ole teeth! We were grinning ear to ear! This was the absolute best thing that has happened to date. All I could say over and over was "wow". Mama asked "I thought you said the chemo wouldn't effect my brain tumors, that it couldn't make it up there. How does it keep shrinking?" Dr. Penland replied "It is just 'crossing' on you. It does that sometimes". Once again, my mom disagreed with her. "It is prayers" she said. "It is God shrinking my cancer". Dr. Penland couldn't disagree. Neither could I! This was wonderful! We left on cloud 9! I contacted my brothers and the aunts to tell them the good news. Everyone was thanking God for his gift.
Tuesday:
Mom started chemo cycle #5 today. She found out that she needs blood this week. That explains some of the extreme fatigue. She insists on driving herself. "Let me do it, while I can" she pleaded. I guess I can't argue with that.
So there is a rundown of the last few days. I spent an entire week thinking the worst. Dreading the results. Praying that time would stop in it's tracks. After the news, I find myself really thinking that remission is likely, for the first time. I know the odds. I have read the facts. Yes, changes are coming. They always will. But that doesn't mean they will ALL be bad. Not ALL news we receive has to be bad. When I think of tomorrow and what it might bring.....I KNOW it actually can be good.
Awesome news Nikki!! Thank God!!
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