The Good, The Bad, and The Uplifting

I have been having the worst problem staying on top of my blog updates. I will take this opportunity to catch you up on everything.

When we were at mom's check-up last week, they finally gave us a game plan. I am not super excited about it, but I understand it, I guess. Mom's reaction to this last (#4) Chemo cycle has been the worst so far. She has worked very hard to make herself eat and is taking ALL of her medicine religiously. However, she has found herself SO fatigued that she doesn't even come out of her pajamas some days. There were a couple days that she slept straight through. It has been VERY difficult to watch. Well, the "game plan" I mentioned goes as follows: It seems that mom's severe reaction this time is the tip of the iceberg. Apparently, as the chemo cycles continue, her body's reaction will deteriorate. They usually hit a "chemo ceiling" at about 6 cycles, then they wait for movement. That is what they plan to do with mama. Her little body can't take too much of this stuff that is saving her life. Her medicine can kill her almost as quickly as it saved her. So, they will scan her Wednesday. IF THE CANCER IS SMALLER-they will do two more cycles, then pause for 3 weeks of radiation, then give her a "break", where they will monitor the cancer and start chemo back when there is movement. IF THE CANCER IS THE SAME-they will skip the next two cycles and go ahead and begin radiation, then comes the break and the monitoring. This scares me. The whole "break" part of it. It's like giving the cancer a head start. I get it, I guess. The chemo is destroying her body. But the waiting for movement is petrifying for me. They actually said we would be waiting TWO months between scans. We have been told that there can be MAJOR changes in just a few days. TWO MONTHS?? Alot can happen in two months. I am just so worried. Mom actually agrees with me. She is thinking "if it's working, why stop?". She broke my heart after the Dr walked out from telling us the plan. She said "I guess I really am never getting rid of this, am I?". It is like she had hope, until that appointment. There was nothing I could say except "probably not mama, but that doesn't determine anything". I thought I had come to terms with mom's odds of beating this thing, but hearing that we are kind of giving up struck me sadly too.  I know we are not literally giving up, but in that moment, that is how I felt. And the radiation??? Well, that scares her AND me to death. It is called "whole brain radiation". They told us she WILL lose that stubborn hair that has proved the chemo statistics wrong. She will probably never get it back. The radiation can destroy hair follicles preventing any future growth. She is fine with that. She has a couple scarves and a couple hats and she says her hair is the least of her worries. Her attitude is great. Her fight is back. We CAN do this.

If you were not sitting in Journey Church in Laurel, Ms. on Sunday at 10:00am, then you missed the sermon of a lifetime. As I listened to Br. Robby talk about obstacles and difficulties that we face in life, I felt myself begin to cry. I cried the remainder of the sermon. He spoke so beautifully....and frankly. In so many words he said that life is hard. Whether you are a christian or not, life is hard. Tough stuff happens. But, if you allow God's strength to help you when you are weak, and you approach these situations in His name, you will overcome any obstacle. I needed to hear this. I needed to hear "stop whining and start living" (that's not exactly how it was worded, but that is how it applies to MY life). This whole sermon was built around my life and my current situation. I am sure that every person in that room felt the same way. As I looked around the room, I could see that I wasn't the only one that was touched. I am sure I am not the only one that left reflecting on my life. I spend alot of time feeling alone and worrying. I stay worried about if I can handle watching mom's illness progress. Worried about a life without her. I am constantly sad, and honestly, a little whiny, that this happened to me and my family. But the truth is, the problem is here, it isn't going anywhere. I have two options: I can face it alone, or I can face it with the help of God's strength. I don't really have to even think about my choice.

A young girl that my mom works with has been having alot of health issues lately. Vomiting, fatigue, pain, etc. For any of you that have ever been pregnant you would blame the pregnancy (she is in her first trimester). However, when she felt a "pop" in her neck, then started experiencing excruciating headaches, she knew this was not pregnancy related. After a couple ER visits and diagnosis' that did not add up, her condition worsened. She began to get confused and disoriented. Her body was even effected physically as her sister said she didn't seem to understand how to bend her legs and sit down in the car. Finally, at the THIRD hospital, she was diagnosed with a blood clot on the brain. Furthermore, she had suffered a stroke. Her condition was not great, but she was stable. I took mom to see her after church. See, this girl and her sister are around my age. Mom met and fell in love with them while working at David's. To their dismay sometimes,( I'm sure), my mom has formed a very maternal bond with them (she can be very opinionated and unnecessarily verbal when she has a maternal bond with you). None the less, mama thinks the world of these two and this love only strengthened when she got sick. These two sisters went above and beyond to raise money for mom's medical bills and living expenses. Not to mention the most important part, they visit her often and keep up to date with her situation. This means the world to my mama. They really care about her and her well being. When my mom spoke to her sweet patient friend on the phone this morning, she mentioned her mother and how she wished she was here. Mama immediately started devising a plan to make it happen. See, their mom, like alot of us at some time or another, has fallen on bad times financially. She was literally unable to travel here from South Carolina due to financial difficulties. Well, mom got on the phone, and by the end of today she had raised enough money for the patient's mom to get here. I was SO proud for the patient. I know the yearning for my mom when I am sick. I can only imagine that in her severe situation that ONLY the love of her mother will make her feel better. Her mom will leave out at 3:00am on Tuesday. Mama called me and was beaming for her young friend. I told her how proud I was of her and her actions. What a lady, ya know? What a heart! Everyday she blows me away with her attitude and her strength and most of all, her love for others. She said "Helping people is on my bucket list, but I don't want to mark it off just yet. This feels TOO good. I want to help more." Wow, if only we ALL had that mentality. She inspires me. The patient is doing a little better and with physical therapy and a daily blood thinner shot, she and the baby will be fine.

So, there it is, a little game of catch up. The good, the bad and and the uplifting.