Tickin' Away

(Some of this rant was typed yesterday....The rest was typed and posted today...)

It seems I am tickin folks off left and right...It's my least favorite thing, as I am a pleaser by nature...But here lately I seem to do it without even trying....So just for today, I will embrace it.


Grocery Store Check out Person:
Speak. Smile. Stop giving me stink eye. At least muster up an answer when I ask how you're doing. I know my kids are getting on your nerves. Guess what? They're getting on mine too. At least you're getting paid to put up with them. Give me a break. Is the customer ever right these days?

Obligatory Guy Riding A Tractor On The Road When We're Late For School:
I get it, you're workin. I respect it. However when the minivan comes up behind you, assume the driver is a mama in panic mode, yet again, and let us come on around.

Sherwin Williams:
Sherwin, Sherwin, Sherwin... You lured me in with the tiny thumbnail sample "modest white". It appeared to be a creamy off white that would be perfect for the trim in our house and our kitchen cabinets. It isn't white after all, is it? Nor is it modest. It is actually very flamboyant and peachy pink. Why Sherwin? Why do you give us so many options and shades and variations of off white? Why cant there just be "off white"? Well maybe there is a plain off white but I just couldn't find it in the mix. Am I truly the only kind of my breed? The kind with a complete inability to make a firm decision. The kind that needs a MAX of 2 options and even then its overwhelming. Surely I am not alone. I appreciate your over achieving attitude toward color creation Sherwin Williams, but why?

Michael:
Ok, so where do I begin? I'll keep it light... Dont say it looks good, when deep down you feel it looks like someone smeared orange sherbet all over our trim. Don't fall asleep when I hand you the cabinet door catalog. Don't say you're cool with seeing Hunger Games, but then whine for weeks because you didn't get to see American Sniper. You're killin me.

The Painters:
After painting most of the trim and doors in our house, you guys got word today that the color would be changed. I get a pure lump in my throat when I think of all the hard work that will have to be redone. I went to out the house earlier, expecting to be pummeled with paint brushes, but instead was met with smiles. I feel kind of like the smiles could have actually been teeth gritting and tongue biting. I can't live with peachy pink. I'm sorry. Don't hate me.

Apple:
Tech GIANT! The most innovative company of our time! This is more of a congrats than anything else.  I just want to express my amazement at your ability to patent the most fragile material since light bulb glass, and to astonishingly, make a phone out of it! Wowy!

Verizon:
Why is it so complicated to come in and get a new phone? I need a new phone but I can't work up enough courage to come in there. Don't ask difficult questions about gigs and stuff that sounds like it's in another language. Seriously, my father in law left with two iPads the last time he came in, and he's literally never been on the internet. You guys are tricky. Some of us don't get it ok? Give me the Zach Morris super size phone, cause that's more my speed. Can I just buy a phone? Just a phone. One with a camera but preferably not made out of light bulb glass.


Nikki (myself):
Stop taking the kids grocery shopping at nap time, you know that's a recipe for disaster, you've had kids for 6 years now. It's time to comprehend that only allowing yourself 20 min to get everyone ready is going to make you late every time, no matter who is in front of you on the road. Why cant you find something, ANYthing you like when you have 10,000 choices? What are you, a diva? Why can't you comprehend that Michael is giving you creative control because he loves you and trusts your taste, not because he wants to punish you? Why, why, why cant you make a decision and stick with it? Why don't you take better care of your stuff, namely, your cell phone? Why can't you get up with the times and learn more about the devices that dominate our society?  Stop being a nerd. The not smart kind.

Now that everyone is ticked at me, (even me),  I'm going to go blow my diet.