When We're Ready

My little Mili will be 3 years old in February and is no closer to pooping in the potty than she was the day she was born. (nice opening line, right?) During my years working in the field of childcare I learned and passed along to many anxious parents "they do it when they're ready" and "each child is different". I am constantly proving to myself how little I "practice what I preach", because it is KILLING me that she wont just get trained already! Neva was 24 months and Nori was 22 months when they kicked the diapers. I try, I really do, to keep that out of my mind. But it's hard not to compare them just a little, and wonder what she and I are doing wrong. I introduced it to her over a year ago. No pressure. Just "Hey, this is the potty. We poop and pee in here". I sat her up there that day and have done it countless times since then. Nothing. Well, there was this one time that she peed in there on accident. But other than that, nothing. I keep reminding myself, that she just truly isn't ready. But, I also keep beating myself up that I am not approaching this from every possible angle or taking advantage of every single teachable moment.

Those of you that stop by here from time to time may have noticed I changed up my look a bit. On a simple note, green is my absolute favorite color in the world and I thought I would incorporate it here... On a much more complicated note, I thought it was time for a change. I find myself avoiding this blog, though I love it so much, simply because it is just completely intertwined with mom. It's totally bittersweet coming here. This blog was started because of her fight. It helped me deal with everything that was happening each day. The hard things, the happy things, I reported most all things and it felt so good. So relieving. Mom supported my writing and was an avid reader, and didn't mind me sharing even the most intimate details of our lives, because she knew it was therapeutic for me. I promise myself almost daily that I will begin writing again, regularly, even if it's about nothing, because that is when I am happiest.... But just coming here, it takes me back and it saddens me quite a bit. Almost unbearably. This blog isn't the only aspect of my life that I have found myself stuck in the past. I caught myself hiding my dingy cloth bible cover in our small group class the other night. See, I use her old cover..... and I've never been able to bring myself to wash it. If you're doing the math, I know, it's gross. Far too long for a bible to be in my floorboard getting stepped on, on my bar getting ketchup splatters, and drawn on by little artists... It's hard to explain. She and I started going to church together. It was always us together. And in a way, using that ole' unwashed cover feels kind of like she's with me still. Crazy, right? I spend a lot of time thinking that I should be fully healed by now.... That I am too old to be wallowing and needing my mama and I'm too loved to feel lonely without her...I think about people I know with loved ones lost that seemingly healed much faster than me.... And I often worry if I annoy those around me because I am constantly talking about her.

Well, I can't completely change in a blink, but I did take a small step and I updated my blog.

You know, I think it's ok not to be quite ready to totally let go of something, and grab a hold of something new. I also think it's ok to not be on the same timeline as everyone around you.

And then, suddenly tonight, it sinks in.

 Mili and I are in a very similar predicament.......

So, I decided to give both of us a break...

A dirty diaper, nor a dirty bible cover ever killed anyone... right?


(They make diapers big enough for high school kids, don't they?)