Flip Floppin'

I just wanted to report that I have had a pretty good couple of days! I know this is subject to change next week, tomorrow, even five minutes from now. But for right now, I am quite alright.

 I decorated Mom's grave for the holidays. I used some garland and I fixed up some vases that I got from Wal-Mart with some festive flowers and greenery. I am not quite finished yet, but I think she would like it. At least, that's what I thought as I stepped back and took it in.

Sunday, I took Neva, Nori, and my niece Rylee to the Laurel cinema to see Rise of The Guardians. I have to tell you, the movie was awesome! And sitting in that uncramped theater, and not worrying that I would lose a kid in the crowd was incredible. It made me wonder why I always head toward Hattiesburg to watch a movie. Totally pointless. We had a great time, but by the time we left I was itching to see my little Mili, (who had stayed with my mother in law). We put up our tree that night and the kids decorated it and the whole house.

Wednesday, I tried to make a donut bread pudding (a great way to use day-old donuts). It would have been pretty good, had I remembered to put SUGAR in it! It smelled like buttered bread. So, I made up a glaze using milk, powdered sugar, butter and vanilla and poured it over my savory donuts. I took it to bible study with me and it was a hit! Some how, some way, it turned out pretty good. Everyone was asking me for the recipe.... I'll probably never be able to make it like that again!

Friday was my dad's birthday. Though we are all not the closest in the world, it sure felt nice hanging out with him on his special day. Ronnie grilled him a slab of every animal in the forest and sky and I provided the German chocolate cake (his favorite). I can remember vividly throughout my childhood, smelling some sweet deliciousness baking in the kitchen and excitedly asking mama what it was......The answer was the same most every time "German chocolate cake". Just before she passed we jokingly asked mama why she didn't venture out in the cake department while we were growing up...She laughed and replied "it was your daddy's favorite". She never stopped loving my daddy. I thought of her, as we cut the cake. We sang to him and sat around enjoying each other's company.

 Then today, I awoke in a panic! (I may be feeling better, but I am not sleeping better). So I jumped up half asleep this morning running around like crazy trying to get ready for the annual Christmas Parade. This is something I typically enjoyed with my Mom....and again I did find myself thinking of her....But not in a sad way. We arrived an HOUR EARLY and still there was no parking.... The girls really LOVED it this year. Except the loud noises...Mili wasn't a fan of the loud noises. The float creativity seemed to be on a different level this year! Everything was swamp themed in honor of the special guests: RJ and Jay Paul from Swamp People. I thoroughly enjoyed waving Mili's little hand at all the passersby and hearing the constant flow of "MOM LOOK!" "MAMA DID YOU SEE?!?!" from the Neva and Nori. I hate that time is passing by, but I truly enjoy their company more and more each day. They are maturing into the cutest little travel companions. Their sense of wonder and curiosity remind me to chill out, slow down and take in the details that we grown ups tend to overlook.

Afterwards, I went to do what I have done for years now.....Put up my mama's Christmas tree. Actually, I went to put up Ronnie's Christmas tree. Of course, I found myself reminiscing about last year...As I put the lights on her tree, I was huge and pregnant, and she kept telling me to sit down and rest. The girls were asleep. She was having a bad day and she kept going to lay in her bed....Then coming right back down the hall saying: "I feel bad leaving you in here, baby"....and I'd say "I'm fine, mom! Go to bed!", Though she wanted her tree up, and her living room to look festive, she begged me to just sit down and relax. I begged her to just go to bed and rest. This was the time of year that we were finishing a lot of decorative type things in her house. We knew that her time was growing short and we were trying desperately to make some of her dreams come true. She always wanted pretty things in her house, but never found the extra money to get them. And we never quite found the time or extra money to get them for her. We painted reorganized, redecorated, etc....And it made her smile, but material things were now frivolous to her. I've said this before: She had changed at this point. Carpet was "just carpet". The furniture was "just furniture". She just wanted more time. I wish I could have given her the world in those days. I would have made her wildest dreams come true....But more time? Unfortunately, I couldn't give her that. Nor could anyone. But, I gave her all of my time. And whether she wanted it or not, I did those pretty little things around the house that she had always wanted. And soon, though I was super sized,  I got her very last Christmas tree up and the girl's decorated it and the stockings were hung. She loved it! Of course I could have just sat down like she asked, and she would have loved that too. I kept flashing back today, as I watched the kids decorate the tree and talked with Ronnie about old times. She has never felt more absent to me, than she did today as I did all this without her watching me and loving me.


 Like I said, I am doing better. Perhaps I am healing, perhaps the extra time I have spent in Scripture is paying off, perhaps its just a couple good days. Either way, I am doing pretty good. I'll take it, because I've got a tough season ahead of me...The Christmas Season. It is so rich with memories and it tugs at my heart as each day passes and the holiday gets closer. She would want me happy. She would want me to enjoy Christmas and just enjoy life. I am trying....I sure hope this light heart lasts.