Painful Firsts

A lot of things happening lately....I'm not as dedicated to my picture taking as I once was....But here's a few...

PINK OUT at NEJ Homecoming....It was AWESOME! I loved honoring those that have battled breast cancer.

 

Hanging out in the woods with their daddy. This is his FAVORITE time of year. Something tells me I'm going to have a house full of deer hunters soon.

 

Chillin' and loving the fall weather.

 

Our annual Pumpkin Patch trip (Michael was super enthused...not really)

There will NEVER be a perfect picture...

Michael had to go hold Nori up...The hay bale didn't make Ms. Shorty tall enough...

 

We usually take the wagon...I don't know where my mind was this year....So we toted pumpkins 5 miles out to our car. We tried to encourage them to pick small ones...

They were hot and ill and tired by the time we left....But it was a BLAST!

FAIR TIME!

 

A double stroller will save your life. There's nothing worse than walking around the fair holding 4 drinks, 3 corndogs, a couple stuffed animals, and a 2 year old....If nothing else, it serves as your buggy to hold things.

Michael rode everything.....Well, all the kiddie rides anyway...He's just an ole' pro at the kiddie rides, by now...

 

Best friends....for the moment.

I remember the days when it was just me and this guy walking the fair and eating everything in sight.

 

The sea lions were HILARIOUS!

Neva had the best view....

Neva is Neva...Ms. "I'll try everything", but Nori....We didn't know what to think about her....She's brave, but she's shy. We were pleasantly surprised that she rode EVERYTHING she was tall enough to get on. AND SHE LOVED IT! They both did! It was the best trip to the fair yet!

 

Mili sat this year out---But she LOVES cotton candy. The first time she really crawled, it was toward a bag of cotton candy laying across the room!

 

Next came Halloween and the Journey Fall Festival. I had a booth this year....It was a ton of fun....

 

But afterwards, came TRICK OR TREATING!

My lil lady bug fairy

My little butterfly fairy

My lil princess fairy

and me...The mom fairy

all the necessities that a mom fairy would need...

 

My brother thought he would scare the girls with this Friday the 13th/70's afro look.....

But the girls busted right in and made their selves at home like usual.

Mili wasn't scared, but she seemed a little quiet with all the weird costumes around her....UNTIL, Pop gave her some chocolate......

 

AND a puppy came to play with her. Chocolate and puppies are her favorite combo!

The girls had a great time tearing Pop and Kim's house apart.

 

Michael wanted a picture with the mom fairy...

Next came Ms. Shirley's (Michael's aunt)....She always feeds us after we trick or treat....

Mili LOVES her Nay Nay

 All the Fall festivities have been keeping me busy...For that I am very thankful. But, on Halloween night, after I got a moment to myself, I broke down. I cried thinking of my mom and how special she always made Halloween for us. It's all of our favorite, because of her. I thought of her when I was little, digging through my candy and stealing her favorites. I thought of her in recent years, fixing the kids an elaborate basket full of candy and treats. I thought of her the October before she was diagnosed....She was already sickly and having symptoms. When we showed up to trick or treat, she was asleep. She woke up and gave the kids their treats but she wasn't enthusiastic. I remember feeling sad, and a little aggravated with her that year. I didn't know exactly how sick she was..... We soon found out...Then came last year....She wasn't feeling the best, but she came out to greet her lil trick or treaters...... one last time.

 

I missed her so much. Even with the day being so wonderful, the night brought such pain. I cried and cried and cried. Eventually I took a Tylenol PM, so that I could sleep. I knew they were hurting too, so I text my brothers as I was about to go to bed and said "I bet Mama's eating caramels in Heaven tonight".....

They were her favorite.

 

 

I've got to be honest....There are a lot of firsts happening...and it's killing me. There are some biggies coming up, with Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am hurting so bad just thinking of them, I can't imagine how bad this pain/sadness might get as they approach and finally arrive. I just miss her so much. I don't know what else to say....I just miss her. I don't know if I can do this.