I'm Losing Myself

Tonight Brother Robby asked me what kind of bible I had, and without it sitting in front of me, I couldn't tell him. I have spent so much time in the scripture lately, but I haven't looked at the type of bible I'm studying. I felt very ignorant.

Who was I? Who am I? Who will I be?

I am in transition.

 I WAS a girl that didn't know there was a God. I thought so. But, I had never read or heard or felt anything to do with Him. I didn't believe in right and wrong outside of the legal system. I believed that to each his own. Who am I to judge, get involved or form an opinion? I didn't go to church. I thought churches were full of judgy folks. I had a good heart. I loved people and I loved reaching out to help, but, I never could quite find the time. My family came first with me. I loved them with all my heart. I definitely felt like something was missing, but I didn't want to put forth the effort to figure it out. I WAS lost.

I AM a girl that KNOWS that God exists. I love reading His word and talking about it with others. I believe that there is right...and there is wrong...Because He said so. I don't judge, but I have an opinion now. I go to Journey as often as they let me in the doors. The place is filled with compassionate and friendly folks. My heart is so full. I love to help people and even when I don't have time--I make time. God comes first. I love Him with all my heart and soul. He gave me my family. I am complete. I put forth as much effort as I can when it comes to strengthening my relationship with God. I AM saved.

I WILL BE a more mature Christian, one day. I will not let this slip away. I will spend time in the scripture and immerse myself in the richness of His word. I will surround myself with like-spirited people. I will reach out to those who need reaching. I will work to glorify Him everyday. My heart is His. My soul is His. My eternity is secure. I WILL BE with Him.

It is so hard to believe that I have changed so much in such a small amount of time. I remember being pulled toward Him but scared give in and to start a lifestyle that would take away all my fun or guilty pleasures. I also remember that angry girl that wondered why her mom had to get cancer. The girl that blamed God and questioned His plan. Now, after asking Jesus to forgive me and save me, those fears seem so ridiculous. The trade off is more than worth it. His word is truth, so we must believe it and trust it. I now know that cancer exists because of sin. God is the light. He is pure and Holy and separated from sin. Therefore, cancer is not His. God did not give my mom cancer. But, through her cancer, my mom found Jesus and was saved. The morning she passed she traveled to her new Home in Heaven. I know this. God also reached me through mama's diagnosis. He reached me and took hold, and I don't want Him to ever let go. I don't want to let go either. I cannot put into words how my heart feels. If you've never felt it, you can't imagine it. It's that good.... It saddens me that on my spiritual journey, I might be leaving behind some of the most important people in my life. I pray for them to join me everyday. But I am not stopping. I can't stop. I won't.

I have changed.

I'm losing myself

and I LOVE it.

Lose yourself with me...You won't EVER regret it.

I am ignorant to a lot of things. I have so much left to learn. There is so much I don't know. But DO I know that I am saved. I know I will see my mom again. I know I will be with God for eternity. And I know the certainty of that feels amazing.....

 Oh yeah, and as of tonight, I also know that I have a NLT Study Bible and a King James Version.