Hidden Treasure

Dear Mama,

It's been a day. First of all, Nori is running fever. She has been for a couple days. She's whiny and you can tell she doesn't feel good, but she really has no other symptoms. This means, to protect the other children I will have to miss church tomorrow (which I REALLY need right now). Secondly, while prepping our walls to repaint yesterday, Michael and I discovered mold growing inside our walls. We got in touch with a professional, who told us how to check the entirety of the trailer and eliminate this problem. Apparently, breathing in this mold can be VERY detrimental to our's and the kid's health. We think we have located it all, and tomorrow we will be ripping out sheet rock and insulation and replacing it. Lastly, I am missing you really, really bad today. Really bad. I have felt sick to my stomach through most of the day and have that all to familiar knot in my stomach, each time I think of you.

I guess I basically wanted to tell you that I love you. I love you AND I miss you. I wish so badly that I could hear you say it back to me. I need to hear it. I need to hear it from you.

Also, after Amber and Josh bought you that digital camera and you upgraded from disposables, you took tons of pictures. BUT, you never printed any. Well, I looked through your memory card tonight. Yes, that's right. All 900+ pictures. I thought you might want to see a few of them.....

These are in no particular order.....

Here's you giving your lil man his Easter present...

My baby Nori

Noah, Neva, Cutter

Noah and Neva hanging out at Gammy's

My beautiful first born...

Best friends

Papaw the Great and his yummy ice cream...I miss those days. I miss him.

Neva's first Christmas

Ronnie's 29th Bday

You're so pretty

Nevie seems to be right at home

Posing in Papaws yard, one bright beautiful day

I think the way she looks at you sums it all up

She misses you so badly....

Nori does too....You were a fixture in her life as well. I tried to picure yall on this day. The pack n play is out, so they obviously stayed with you. Where was I? Neva's face is dirty---what all had she eaten?Why are they BOTH laying in that lil bed? How did you get them both to smile at the same time? They look so happy.....I bet you were smiling behind the camera too.

Nori and Brady

Oh Mama, I miss y'all so much.

She looks like a baby here, compared to now.

My beautiful second born...

The Cochran's

Before I chopped my hair

I remember this day....You were cracking up when Nori went after this ginormous bottle!

Gammy's Girls

Happy Birthday Papaw

Looks like she is ripping your hair out. I'm sure you didn't mind...

Lil Man....

Lil Man #2

Christmas is the BEST at your house

I remember this too. You orchestrated it. You told us to run jump on Ronnie's bed and make him mad....You came, camera in hand ready for a show!

Wow. Overboard as usual.

I'm speechless. As I looked through these photos, it really dawned on me why Neva is struggling with your loss. I already knew, but seeing it in color made it very, very clear. You were her hero. Her favorite. She saw you everyday, and thought you were IT. She actually preferred you over me ( and you LOVED it). When she lost you, she lost part of herself. Just like I feel that I did. Only time can help us now.

I couldn't help but notice that you stopped taking pictures just before you were diagnosed. It's like time stopped or something. It kind of still feels that way sometimes.

 A day like today a year ago---I would have called you and vented and probably cried. Then I would have felt better. You always made it better. You had so many wonderful pictures in your lil camera. It was a joy to look through all of them. They made me feel better, but a little bit sadder too. Those were happy times that I wish had not passed so quickly.

Thank you for this hidden treasure you gave me tonight. I may be missing you more than ever, but ending my bad day with the vision of your beautiful smiling face, is JUST what I needed.

I love you....

Love,

Nikki