.....But Now I See

Dear Mama,

Remember Kayla from Jones County Medical Supplies? She was the super sweet girl that always bent over backwards for us.....Anyway, she bought me a book and wrote me a beautiful card. I was moved by the gesture itself, but little did I know that this book would literally change my life. I'm only halfway through it, but I'm in love with it already. It is simply titled "Heaven", and it's written by Randy Alcorn. Now admittedly, I am gullible. I watched the mermaid special on Animal Planet the other night, and was convinced that they really exist. I've been waiting on aliens to attack for a while (because there were "eye witnesses" on the Discovery Channel). I'm pretty sure that they found Big Foot the other night on Nat Geo, (I fell asleep before the end). Just recently I thought the government might be covering up some kind of "zombie virus"( I mean ALL the stations covered that one), and until recently, I was banking that December of 2012 was when the world would end (because the Mayans on the History Channel said so). I hate to say this about myself, but I am easily swayed when it comes to subjects I am not familiar with. If I hear one convincing argument, I am sold. Then if I hear another, I am confused. But this book isn't merely filled with theories and cartoon illustrations. No, in fact, everything he suggests about Heaven is right there in Scripture.

It is no coincidence that Kayla read my blog, felt that she needed to pray for me and give me this book. I needed this book. I am ashamed to admit to you, (or anyone for that matter) that I have been afraid of Heaven practically my whole life. I've never really admitted this until today. I know, I know. It's ridiculous. But, Mama, the way I understood it, was when I died and went to Heaven I lost everything that I love. I lose my body (I don't know that I love my body after 3 kids, but I still don't want to lose it), I lose my relationships and everyone I hold dear, I lose the only home I've ever known. I lose myself and everything becomes foreign. I will be a white fog and my days will be spent floating around in a bright white area. I know you are looking around right now at beauty that my simple mind can't begin to comprehend and you are laughing to yourself at my ignorance. But you know me, and you know this "fear of Heaven" that I once had, did not come from a bad place. It came from an uneducated place. I felt guilty not being more excited about "Heaven", because I knew it was WAY better than the alternative. But I have always found great confusion in reading the Bible (I still do), and I had no way of knowing any better.....until now. It was not until I started attending Journey Church, and Br. Robby broke down and explained the words of the Bible in terms that I could understand and more recently, upon receiving this book and reading it's detailed translations of Bible verses, that I have come to understand what the Bible says about Heaven a little bit better. I don't know that any of us can truly know what is in store for us. What we do know varies, depending on each individual interpretation of what the Bible says. But what everyone seems to agree on, is it's going to be incredible and all of our time here--should be spent working toward an eternity there.

I have often found myself "worried" about you. You are in this unknown realm. You were here, then you were gone and I can't see you, I can't talk to you.....How am I to know you are okay? I have so often wanted to call you and ask "so what's Heaven all about?" "are you alright?" But just like you, I must wait until I am called. and until then, my imagination can run wild. THIS TIME, (after reading this wonderful book) I picture lush gardens and beautiful blue waterfalls. My mind's eye see's trees with the most vibrant tasting fruits I could ever imagine. People work for the sheer pleasure of working. I see people, who were linked on Earth, and are STILL linked in Heaven sitting and listening to beautiful music while they bask in an an environment untainted by sin. I KNOW you are MORE than okay. And when I make it there we will be together. You and me? I see us talking and hugging and laughing at the girls. Your body is perfect and cancer isn't heard of. There is no death. This will be the condition of our existence for eternity.

Upon the opening of my eyes to Heaven and what it truly stands for, I have come to look forward to my arrival there. I mean, I will enjoy my time here on Earth. I will glorify Him and make the most of my remaining moments. But, I no longer fear leaving this world. I no longer worry about you. I miss you, but the hurt isn't quite as bad now. I'm not worried about what is said on the tv, or what psychics or the Mayans said.....It's all irrelavent. I KNOW that you and I will be reunited sooner or later and this period of pain will seem like a mere blink in time when we are together for eternity. I cannot be swayed on this. I feel this. I know it to be true. I know it because He said so.

"On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand".

I thank God for telling Kayla to help me. I thank Kayla for listening.

 It is a beautiful feeling to know that what is to come is far, far greater than what is now. I can't wait to see you, Mama.

Love,

Nikki